What the freak is that cute hippo?

Wow! A hippo with a little snout! And it’s called a pygmy hippo! How cute is that?! I just want to give it a little pat on the head! I wouldn’t do that. It’s cute, but that shorter snout can still cut you clean in half so don’t treat it any differently than the common hippo.

Omnomomom water.
Eric Kilby

The pygmy hippo is significantly shorter than its relative, reaching only about 3 feet in height. But it’s not the size that counts (RACHEL!), it’s what you do with it, and these hippos weighing up to a whopping 600 pounds certainly make the most of their size.

Open wide!
William Warby

The pygmy hippo’s top layer of skin is smooth and thin to help the animal stay cool, but  that thinness may cause the hippo to get sunburns! Enter, “blood sweat.” Blood sweat is pink fluid that oozes from the top layer of skin and gives the pygmy hippo its glistening, “just ran 100 miles on the treadmill” look.  It protects the hippo’s sensitive skin from sunburn.

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What the freak is that chainsaw fish?

It grows up to 20 feet long, has the body of a shark, and looks like a chainsaw is growing out of its face – this is the largetooth sawfish.

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that they’re considered quite docile if left alone. The bad news is that they’re normally found close to the shore, lying on the sandy bottoms… so just watch your step! Ezpz.

Look at my nose-chainsaw.
Simon Fraser University – University Communications

Largetooth sawfish don’t hunt for humans. In fact, people have hunted them to near extinction! Now protected as an endangered species, the only trade of sawfish allowed is the trade of live sawfish between aquariums from Australia. If any country can handle strange dangerous animals, it’s Australia.

I’m gonna boop you.
Flavia Brandi

The largetooth sawfish hunts by swimming through a school of fish, blindly shoving its rod from side to side, hoping to get lucky. Much like my experience with Tinder except largetooth sawfish usually get lucky at least once.

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What the freak is that ground owl?

Burrowing owls are weird, even by owl standards. They hunt during the DAY and prefer to live UNDERGROUND. They take over burrows of badgers and prairie dogs but if no suitable homes present themselves, these owls will settle for piles of PVC pipe.

Burrowing owl being a burrowing owl.

Are you tired of laying eggs and then starving to death because you can’t leave them alone? Have I got the solution for you! Simply cover the entrance of your home with animal dung and say goooodbye to starvation! 

These crafty birds have figured out a way to make the egg laying process easier! By covering the entrance of their burrow with dung, dung beetles and other insects find their way into the burrowing owls’ homes, supplying the owl with a quick snack!

Davis, California
Becky Matsubara

If a predator ventures too close, the burrowing owl will begin to bounce up and down like a boxer readying for a fight. It does this to judge the size and distance of the potential threat. Since the owl can’t move its eyes, head bobbing is a matter of survival. 

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